A Tour of Horizontal Surfaces

Inside Twinkie’s Chambers

Welcome to my collection of horizontal surfaces, where chemotherapy and I deepen our twisted and one-sided relationship. No celebrity mansions here; just raw and unkempt zones I can barely clean thanks to body aches and pains. People ask, “How do you pass the time?” It’s easy — by passing out. So let’s get started before I do just that.

Let’s begin with an unconventional spot: the floor. This spot chose me after the third chemotherapy infusion. Standing up became a panic attack. Racing heart? Check. Hot flashes like I’m melting in a sauna? Check. Vision like a blackout curtain? You betcha. So down to the floor I go and it’s flat-out comfortably uncomfortable. Who is the star of this horror film? That’d be Tough Twinkie, but spoiler alert: “Tough isn’t here anymore, Ms. Twinkie.”

Since we’re on the horror vibe, let’s slide into the bathtub, half-submerged and half-functioning. I’ve mastered the “half-bath” because I’m too exhausted to sit up straight. My feet anchor to the wall, my torso sinks, and my head bobs. I could meditate, sure, but what if I get stuck in some infinite water limbo? Then again... that might be an upgrade from chemo.

Next spot is my bed. It’s not just for sleeping, it’s where fatigue, random cramps, and nosebleeds throw a party at 3 AM. There’s a bucket kept by the side especially for those. Oh yes, convenience can absolutely come with a side of gross.

And the finale, folks — my beloved couch where 85% of my existence happens, wrapped in blankets and guilt. I’ve spent more quality time with the couch than with my own family. But the couch? Doesn’t judge. Doesn’t bark at me either (looking at you, Juniper). It just silently supports me in all my flattened glory. Plus, it has the most scenic view — the TV.

So there you have it: a tour of the horizontal surfaces. If you expected glamour, you clearly took a wrong turn between Netflix and nausea. This Tough Twinkie is too tired to impress anyone, so if you’ll excuse me, I need to lie down and finally finish the half-drunk glass of water I started yesterday.

Comments

  1. DebraJune 18, 2025 at 11:00 AM

    Dearest Tough Twinkie ….you are so brave and honest. Thank you for sharing these struggles and enduring this horrible process. You have helped anyone who in the future goes through this and needs this reality. Love you sweet girl…..please let me know if I can bring you anything, etc…..I’m sending you a text with some good Netflix films. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. JJune 18, 2025 at 2:46 PM

    My brain is on the fence that I enjoy your writing but it’s like shakin’ bake with body and swords, the sweet and sour of it all-I hate the reasoning behind the blog, but like the updates to know how your fairing (thank you for that) but also enjoy your twist of added humor. Hang in there. And thanks for keeping us updated.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Alli PowellJune 21, 2025 at 9:01 PM

    You are constantly on my mind as I continue to send you all the positive vibes I can send. I so appreciate getting to stay update through these, no matter how much my heart hurts that you're going through this. Sending love, positive vibes, and constant memories listening to Good Charlotte and Blink 182 in your bedroom while playing with Zamboni.

    ReplyDelete

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