Corn Flakes

The Chemotherapy Crumbles

Everyone groans at glitter: “UGH, what a mess!” At least glitter promises fun. Crumbs? No fun. Just a mess. Corn Flakes promise “simple goodness” on the box but in reality they leave dust behind. Like chemo, weeks of treatments leave behind dusty crumbs — lingering side effects that stick, float, and tumble around.

One of my favorite activities, hiking, has been neglected for months. I wasn’t prepared for the Tonya Harding sabotage that whacked out my legs. Even going up and down the apartment stairs feels like climbing Everest. It’s been depressing, like a lukewarm bowl of soggy Corn Flakes. Most days I barely make it across the driveway without sharp stabs trickling down my thighs and across my shins — like shin splints on steroids.

The Cancer Team’s regimen — Advil, Claritin, and Tylenol — was supposed to manage the pain and swelling. Some days, it felt more like a placebo, just enough to let the dogs outside. Theories among Oncology teams wobbled like flakes in milk: the pain and inflammation could be 1) my body producing white blood cells from bone marrow and my bones can’t expand, 2) neuropathy — which could last months, or 3) lymphedema from poor circulation, also lasting months. All of which had me groaning as if it were a glitter bomb clean-up.

Feelings are rough right now. The daily chores of standing up and walking leave me bitter. But FRICKEN A — this resilient Tough Twinkie WILL be Dancin’ with Myself to Billy Idol at Red Rocks with my sister. Yes, seated on my boney ass, screaming at the person in front of me to quit blocking my view because, “I’m recovering from cancer and all I want is to dance to Billy Idol!” Don’t worry, I will send them off with a grand farewell of glittery chemo crumbs.

That’s the thing about cancer treatment: like Corn Flakes, you don’t just get the flakes, you get the dust at the bottom of the box — or at Red Rocks. If life insists on leaving crumbs, this Tough Twinkie will toss them like glitter. So, warning: stay clear of my radius at Red Rocks.

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